Incredibly Rude Things You Should Never Do at a Wedding

A Girl And A Camera

Thanks to Elle Decor for including my quotes in their article. Keep reading to check out the article.

Weddings bring out the best—and the worst—in people. No matter how much planning goes into the big day, there’s always a guest who gets in the way, whether they mean to or not. Before you attend another wedding, brush up on these faux pas to avoid being, well, that guest (and let the bride shine!).

If we haven’t met yet, hi! I’m Lindsey Nickel and I’m a local Sonoma and Napa wedding planner and the owner of Lovely Day Events. Since 2010, I have helped stylish, fun-loving couples (and their dogs) plan destination weddings. Our clients want the ceremony to be outside, the food to be outstanding, and the dance parties to be epic. If this sounds like you, you’re in the right place, so you might want to learn more about our wedding planning services.

You Arrive Too Early.

Yes, being punctual is polite, but arriving to the ceremony more than 30 minutes early can get in the way of final touches and ultimately cause more stress for the couple. “It’s better to wait in your car than go into the venue and risk stressing out the bride by seeing her before the ceremony,” says the founder of Perfectly Posh Events, Holly Patton Olsen.

Or You Arrive Too Late.

The general rule of thumb for arriving at the ceremony is that you should be in your seat 10 minutes before it is supposed to start. “Walking in as the bride (or groom) is walking down the aisle is incredibly rude and ruins video and photos that are being taken,” shares Brandi Hamerstone, owner of All Events Planned.

You Get Aggressive During the Bouquet Toss

Being too forceful during this tradition simply isn’t a good look. “You don’t want to appear overly eager, nor do you want to come across as if you are catching a pass on the football field,” says national etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life and founder of The Protocol School of Texas. “Allow the bouquet to land naturally in the direction which it is tossed, without any pushing or shoving—for the sake of appearance and civility.”

You Notify the Couple When Something’s Wrong

Between enjoying their special day and making sure that guests are having a good time, the newlyweds have enough to worry about. “If something’s gone wrong during the wedding, do not point it out to the couple or their immediate family members,” says Josh Spiegel, Creative Director and President of Birch Event Design. “You don’t want to add any stress or frustration during the big day.” If you can’t stop thinking about the issue at hand, notify the venue staff.

You Grab a Bottle from the Open Bar

Grabbing a beer at an open bar? Totally fine. An entire bottle of champagne (or something harder)? Definitely not okay. “The last thing you want is to be the main topic of your friend’s wedding conversation,” says Gottsman. Keep it classy and let the waiter or bartender do the pouring.

Suzanne Karp Photography

You Switch Your Order at a Plated Dinner

If you’ve checked yes to “chicken” or “fish” on the invitation, changing your mind last minute throws off the balance. One exception? If you learn that there’s an ingredient in your choice that you’re allergic to, in which case “politely asking to switch from fish to chicken may be appropriate,” says Gottsman. In any other situation, go with your original choice.

You Take the Vase Full of Flowers

It’s an unspoken rule that wedding guests are allowed to take the floral centerpieces on the dining tables. That doesn’t mean vases are up for grabs, however. “You don’t want the couple to end up with a bill for your lapse of judgment,” says Spiegel.

You Complain About the Quality of the Food

Speaking of dinner, complaining about the food is flat-out rude. (And, truth be told, a bit tired.) “You will appear boorish and ill-mannered. Keep your opinions to yourself and be grateful you are included in the couple’s special day,” advises Gottsman. Even if it’s not a five-star gourmet meal, appreciate that the couple has likely invested quite a bit in the dinner—and it’s not about the food, anyway.

You Act Tired or Bored

As peak wedding season winds down, it’s natural that your excitement to attend yet another wedding does, too. “Once you’ve made the commitment to go to a wedding, no matter how many weddings you attended that last month, and no matter how badly you were inconvenienced by the timing, be excited and give it your all for the bride and groom,” Spiegel tells us. Think about it this way: You wouldn’t want to witness someone sulking on your special day, would ya?

You Get Upset About Your Own Romantic Life

If you’re in a tough spot in your own love life, weddings can bring up some not-so-happy feelings. But getting overly emotional (especially after a few glasses of champagne) isn’t okay. If something comes up, “Remove yourself from the situation until you can gain your composure,” suggests Gottsman.

If getting upset sounds inevitable, consider politely declining your invitation. “If you are going through a rocky divorce, it may be in your emotional best interest to sit this one out,” she adds.

You Ignore the Dress Code.

If a wedding invitation says “black tie optional,” showing up in a sundress and sandals simply isn’t appropriate—nor is showing up in a ball gown for a casual wedding. Do your best to stick to the dress code. This is especially important if there are religious reasons involved. For example: “If the ceremony is in a house of worship that requires covered shoulders,” says Anne Chertoff, wedding etiquette trainer at Beaumont Etiquette.

Milou and Olin Photography

You Dress like a Bridesmaid on Purpose.

If you don’t know what the bridesmaid’s dresses look like, this faux pas may be unavoidable. If you do know, steer clear of their color palette. “If a guest knows what the wedding party is wearing, it’s appropriate to avoid looking as if she (or he) is part of the group,” says Chertoff. Sidestep the exact same color or silhouettes to be respectful and help keep the bridal party distinguished.

You Can’t Make it Anymore, and You Don’t Let Anyone Know.

First of all, if you RSVP’d “yes” and don’t feel like going anymore, that’s not a good reason to skip. But emergencies happen, and if you can no longer attend, it’s important to tell someone. Chertoff says if it’s before the wedding day, you can let the couple know directly. But if it’s on their wedding day, connect with a parent of the couple or a member of the wedding party to relay the message and apologies.

You Leave Your Wedding Favor Behind.

Chances are, the couple won’t know you’ve left your wedding favor behind, but it’s still polite to take it with you if you’re on the fence (it’s technically a gift, after all). On the flip side? Don’t try and reclaim one if you forgot. “It’s possible that the couple has a few extra favors at home that a guest could pick up, but in most instances, a guest shouldn’t attempt to track one down,” says Chertoff.

You Don’t Try to Acknowledge the Happy Couple.

At, say, a 300-person wedding, it’s not unfathomable that the happy couple wouldn’t have time to speak with every guest. But it’s important to at least try to say hello, goodbye, or congrats. (Except when they’re enjoying their dinner, that is.) “If a guest didn’t get a moment with the couple, he or she can reach out the day after via phone or email to wish them congratulations and tell them what a lovely time they had at the wedding,” suggests Chertoff.

You Don’t RSVP for a Plus One but Bring One Anyway.

If you’re given a plus one on your invite, go ahead and RSVP for two. But if you RSVP’d for one and find yourself with a new fling as the wedding date draws nearer, it’s best to stick with your solo plan. “It can throw the count off for food and beverage and guest party favors,” explains Elaine Swann, founder of The Swann School of Protocol.

You Forget to Turn Your Phone on Silent During the Ceremony.

The background music to “I Do” shouldn’t be your ringtone. But if your phone does go off, there’s only one way to handle it, according to Swann: “Simply locate your device, turn it off quickly, and turn your attention and your focus back to the ceremony. This will cause others to do the same.”

Cheers Babe Photo

You text the bride on her wedding day.

Even worse: the text is asking for details or advice. “This is a very big day for them with lots of moving parts, and they should be left alone to enjoy their day,” says Swann. Already hit send? “Once you recognize your mistake, send another text message and let them know that you’ll get assistance or help or an answer from someone else.”

You add your own private “narration” to the ceremony.

Save for the occasional (and very quiet) “aww,” talking during the ceremony is simply not okay. It should go without saying, but save your personal comments for after the wedding.

You don’t respect the religious rituals.

Regardless of your own beliefs, it’s important to respect the bride and groom’s choices on such a sacred day. “When you refuse to participate in or respect religious rituals during the ceremony, it can offend not only the bride and groom but also their family members,” says Swann. “It is important, however, to remain committed to your own personal faith, and if their religious rituals contradict your faith, the best way to handle it is to bow out gracefully by either remaining silent or passing on whatever the ritual is, but don’t make a fuss of it,” she adds.

You sit in the front row.

No ifs, ands, or buts here. “Never sit in the front row unless you’ve been invited to,” says Jennifer Porter, party planner and owner of Satsuma Designs. “Even if it’s a casual gathering, abide by tradition and save the front row for family or the wedding party.” But of course, there’s always an exception to the rule: “If an usher places you in the front, relish your seat and enjoy!”

You bring an uninvited guest.

Surprises during a high-stress situation (say, a wedding?) are a no-no. If the couple didn’t mention that you could bring a plus one, don’t assume that you can. “Every person who attends cost money for the bride and groom or their family,” says Brian Worley, director of Bold Catering & Design. “It is also totally awkward when your uninvited guest has no place to sit at the reception.”

You twin with the bride.

You should never outshine the bride. Unless she gives you her stamp of approval, don’t wear white (the cardinal sin of weddings).” White is for the bride and for the bride only,” says Worley. “This is not old-fashioned.” Your cute white eyelet dress will have its moment to shine, don’t worry.

Naura Collective

Or you compete with the bride’s updo.

Think beyond the dress. Brides also want their hair to shine on their special day, so try to avoid hair accessories or elegant styles that may take away from them. “Even the lovely flower crown trend should be left to the bride and bridal party,” says Porter. Bummer, we know.

You forget to RSVP.

How would you feel if someone just waltzed into your house for Sunday dinner without notice? You’d probably be shocked, no? Same goes for weddings. “Most couples give guests plenty of time to respond and even provide a stamped envelope,” says Lizzie Lumley, coordinator at Hakuna Matata Weddings & Events. “Brides can’t make the final arrangements until the RSVPs are in—and it’s rude to keep them waiting.” It’s even worse to show up unannounced.

You bring a big present to the ceremony.

Whatever you do, don’t make the newlyweds schlep a heavy box of kitchenware back home. “Bringing a large gift is a big annoyance for couples,” says Alice Fay, Senior Catering Manager & Wedding Expert at Fairmont Copley Plaza. “They likely have a packed car to drive home regardless of any gifts they received at the wedding.” That’s not to say that you can’t buy the couple a large present. “It’s more respectful to send bigger gifts to their home.” Regardless, don’t show up empty-handed to the reception—bring a handwritten card and hint that the actual present is waiting on their doorstep.

You walk in late.

No matter how casual the ceremony, you should still show the bride and groom that their big day is a priority to you. “Showing up late is very rude considering the amount of effort the couple went through to plan their special day,” says Fay. “Guests should always account for traffic and potential public transportation delays to ensure they are on time.” Because you’d feel awful for missing the bride’s big entrance, wouldn’t you?

You buy a gift that’s not on their registry.

Before you get creative, take a peek at the couple’s gift registry. “The greatest gift in the world is something the couple has already indicated they want,” says Lea Berman and Jeremy Bernard, authors of Treating People Well. But if the gift price points are out reach, pitch in on a larger gift with other guests. There’s always a way to meet your needs and the wishes of the couple.

Manali Anne Photo

…Or don’t buy one at all.

No matter the circumstance, you should always send a gift to the happy couple. Jodi RR Smith from Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting recommends using your relationship to the couple and your personal budget as a guide for how nice it should be.

You take your own pictures and post them on social media.

We get it: You really want to show off how much you love the newlyweds with their adorable Instagram hashtag but experts say it’s best to wait until after they say “I do.” “Guests should refrain from taking photos or videos during the ceremony if the couple asked them to,” says Shawna Orwoll from Away We Go Weddings. “Religious or not, a wedding ceremony is a sacred moment for the couple and should be treated accordingly.”

You interrupt the newlyweds.

Every couple deserves one minute to enjoy the meal they perfectly selected (and paid for!) on their wedding day. “It always amazes me how some guests will go up to the newlyweds and interrupt them for a selfie or to ask them to come visit their table,” says Hovik Harutyunyan, owner of Harutyunyan Events. “The couple is there the whole night. They aren’t going anywhere so why bother them during their meal?” Exactly.

You play “The Price Is Right” all night.

It’s a fact that weddings are insanely expensive but it’s not your job to play detective all night and figure out how much it costs. “The venue is spectacular, the flowers to die for, and the bar top of the line, but to openly speculate on the costs is trés gauche,” says Jodi Smith, founder of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. “Instead enjoy the fact you have been invited to such a fabulous affair and leave it at that.”

You question the couple’s no-kids policy.

If the invitation says “Adults Only,” then follow the rules. It’s as simple as that. “In some cases, children can ruin the ambience of an elegant, mature event,” says Harutyunyan. Plus, you wouldn’t want to be the one responsible for putting the happy couple in an uncomfortable situation on their special day. “Other guests who followed the rules may wonder why your child was given preferential treatment—even though that wasn’t the case at all.”

Sabine Scherer Photography

You give an inappropriate toast.

Save the college horror stories and funny dating escapades for your bachelorette party. "Toasts should be short and sweet," says Harutyunyan. "Don't talk about exes, dysfunctional family dynamics, or vent about unrelated drama." Remember: This isn't your wedding day so make sure the toast is directed at the couple.

You make a beeline to the dessert table.

As tempting as it may be, don’t dive into the desserts until the couple makes the first move. “Even if there are desserts available, pay attention to the wedding staff and couple,” says Tiffany Hayden, owner of Detailed. “The couple will still cut the cake and it looks bad in photos if half the table is picked over and empty.”

You don’t sit at your assigned table.

The saga of choosing who sits where is already difficult enough so don’t add more fuel to the fire on the wedding day. “I had an issue at a wedding where the bride’s uncle didn’t like that his cousins were at another table,” says Lumley. “He was putting on such a show that the parents of the bride were willing to move to please him. Eventually, the bride and groom got involved, which ultimately put a damper on the whole day.” Just like grade school, sometimes you have to suck it up and sit in an assigned seat. You’ll be okay.

You drink too much.

This goes without saying: Nobody has time for a drunk party guest—and the open bar isn’t to blame. “We all love an open bar, but as a guest, it’s important to understand your limits so you don’t embarrass yourself or the couple,” says Hayden. So, drink responsibly, and cheers to the happy couple!

You leave too early.

Sure, your 90-year-old grandmother gets a pass on this one. As for you? It’s polite to stick around for most of the reception. “When friends leave well before the end of the night, it can leave the couple feeling abandoned,” says Hayden. “If the event ends at midnight or later, it’s understandable to want to head out a little early. However, a wedding that goes until 10 or 11 p.m. should have plenty of people still dancing until the end!”

Natura Collective

You race people to the buffet line.

The golden rule still applies at weddings: Treat others the way you want to be treated. “Be nice to everyone,” says Berman and Bernard. “It will be embarrassing if you cut in front of the groom’s grandmother in the buffet line—and then find out she told other family members.” Yikes.

And then you go for seconds before everyone else.

“Going up for seconds before everyone has had their first plate is incredibly rude,” says Lumley. Weddings are no different than any other function so make sure everyone gets their fair share before you get extra.

You give your two cents about everything.

Some things are better left unsaid, especially when it may upset the bride and groom on their big day. Hate the flowers? Or the less-traditional location? That’s okay—but no one needs to know. “It’s important that family members respect that sometimes couples will want to buck tradition and do things their own way,” explains Hayden. Hear, hear!

You surprise the couple (and the wedding planners).

Surprise speeches are a wedding planner’s nightmare. “Surprises or added speeches or toasts can throw a wrench in a perfectly planned schedule,” says Hayden. Even worse, they take away from the magic of the moment. “An unplanned speech that a family member or friend insists on giving could take another 10-15 minutes that the couple could be spending on dancing or spending time with their guests.”

You add your own commentary to the toasts.

During a toast, claps and chuckles are fine but try to refrain from anything that will distract the person giving the toast. “It’s easy after a glass or two to get into the moment, but beyond the appropriate chuckle or clap, never blurt out what you think is some hilarious addition to the toast,” says Porter. Heads up: It’s probably not that funny anyway.

Cheers Babe Photo

You distract the flower girls and ring-bearers.

Reminder: Being a flower girl or ring bearer is already difficult for little ones. “It’s hard enough getting a toddler or little kid down the aisle with a job to do,” says Porter. “They don’t need you taking their attention off the matter at hand, namely throwing those petals.”

You’re disrespectful to the wedding vendors.

Vendors—caterers, florists, bartenders, and more—make weddings an experience to remember, so remember to be polite to everyone. “Most vendors don’t come to a wedding trying to give guests a negative experience,” says Harutyunyan. “Cutting them some slack and understanding is necessary.”

You refuse to stay unplugged.

“No” means “no”—and happy occasions aren’t an exception. “More and more couples are opting for an ‘unplugged’ wedding, meaning no pictures, no cell phone use, and no posting on social media,” explains Harutyunyan. Some weddings will even require guests to check-in their phones to encourage them to live in the moment. “But if you’re not going to respect the couple’s wish to check in your cell phone at least, don’t then go use your cell phone to film their first dance or cake cutting.”

You didn’t RSVP on time.

An RSVP date is not merely a suggestion, it’s actually an important deadline for the couple and not adhering to it strikes a bad tone before the day even arrives. “The couple needs to know your attendance by that date so they can finalize details, such as the catering order and the correct number of chairs,” says Lindsey Nickel, wedding planner for Lovely Day Events.

You hassle the couple for a plus-one.

It’s hard enough putting together a wedding guest list without navigating plus-ones. Many couples operate on a no ring, no bring policy or work off of how long you’ve been dating. You’ll know you are given a plus-one once your invitation arrives, according to Melanie Tindell, owner of Oak & Honey Events. But by the time the invitation rolls around, it’s best to assume that there has been a lot of thought put into the decision and just be happy you’ve been invited to share in their special day.

You get in the way of the photographer (with your selfie).

A lot of time, energy, and money goes into hiring the perfect wedding photographer, and your selfie in the background is not welcomed. If you do have your phone out at the ceremony, Kimberly N. Rhode, owner of Hitched Events, says to “save selfies for the dance party and leave the important pictures to the pros.”