10 Tips For A Fun, Playful And Sexy Honeymoon From A Newly Married Sexpert
Guest post by Sofia Fortin
Hey Honeymooners,
So you just tied the knot and you are headed off for a romantic getaway to celebrate and steep in your love. Congratulations! I’m a big fan of honeymoons. I got married two years ago and we did a staycation in beautiful Atlin B.C. We kayaked and swam in the warm springs, went antique shopping and berry picking, and had more relaxed, fun, sexy sex than we had had in a while cause we were kid-free (I have an eight-year-old stepson), relaxed and worry-free.
Whether you and your honey are planning a romantic getaway or an all-out sex-fest it’s easy to fall into the trap of setting New Year’s Eve level expectations for the magic you want to feel. It is your honeymoon after all. Whether your sex life is already rocking or it’s experiencing some slower times, when you put such high expectations on this one event it's easy to set yourselves up for failure.
I have ten tips to help you make sure your honeymoon is a fun, playful, and sexy success.
If we haven’t met yet, hi! I’m Lindsey Nickel and I’m a local Sonoma and Napa wedding planner and the owner of Lovely Day Events. Since 2010, I have helped stylish, fun-loving couples (and their dogs) plan destination weddings. Our clients want the ceremony to be outside, the food to be outstanding, and the dance parties to be epic. If this sounds like you, you’re in the right place.
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5 Things To Do Ahead
1. Plan your Birth Control
Alright, I hate to get all practical on you right out of the gate - but seriously - birth control is a biggy. Why? Because if you do not want kids right now, nothing kills the mood faster than fearing you will get pregnant. I’m going to say this a lot in this post but our goal is RELAXATION and calming any little brain gremlins (fears and worries) so we can be 100% present and relaxed. So baby proof that honeymoon if kids are not on the menu anytime soon.
2. Check your Sexpectations - Make a Plan but Go with the Flow
The best way to kill the vibes and create disappointment and frustration is unmet sexpectations. You have one vision for your honeymoon fun times and your partner has another - but you haven’t talked about it. Get a conversation going about what you both hope for on your honeymoon. Are you looking for romance, slow intimate sex, and deep conversations, or do you want to get all kinky and wild where no one knows you?
3. Talk About What’s on the Sex Menu - and What’s Not.
Curious to try some new things once you hit vacation mode? Not sure how to ask for what you want or talk to your partner about it? Make it fun. Check out this amazing resource by Autostraddle - it’s a whole workbook to help you explore your yes/no/maybe ideas and can give you a clearer sense of where you are both coming from and what you want to try.
4. Make a Game Plan Then be Prepared to Throw it out the Window.
I’m a big fan of preplanned sexy times. I know, I know, it’s not the ideal you have in your mind of totally spontaneous worldless magical sex - but I gotta let you in on a little secret - that kind of sex is a bit of a myth. Yes sure it happens, but counting on it to appear out of thin air is setting yourself up for failure. If you want to increase your chances of success make a game plan so that you can include things that turn you on (romance, music, certain sensations, or toys), and minimize the things that turn you off/ get you out of the mood (stress, lack of connection, fatigue or other.)
Side note - I have sooo much more to say on this one. You can grab a free copy of my Naked Sexy Fun Time Playbook to learn about how to play with your sex drive and set yourself up for success. Grab it here.
5. Bring those Sexy Time Tools with You
Now that you’ve made your game plan make yourself a honeymoon sexy time kit. Don’t leave anything to chance - especially if you are going far from home. Pack your favorite lube, sex toys, props (soft cloth mittens, feathers, massage oils, your favorite sexy time playlist), and anything else that will help you get present and in the mood.
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5 Things To Do There
1. Don’t Expect Your Sex Drive to Just Show Up Because You Did
News flash - your sex drive is not always this spontaneous thing that turns on when you want it to. For some of us, it’s quite the opposite, the more we want it to turn on, the more pressure there is for it to be on, the more underground it goes. You just went through the amazing and exhausting process of planning a wedding. You may likely fall down from exhaustion on your wedding night - and that is ok.
There are ways to consciously work with your libido and sex drive, to invite it to the party so to speak. Pave the way with rest and relaxation. Heap on the romance and intimacy and set yourself up to be in a physical and mental environment that is supportive of your libido.
2. Adopt a Curiosity Mindset - Become a Sexplorer
Whether you have been together for 10 years and just got married, or your honeymoon is the first night you’ve gotten naked together - adopting a curiosity mindset is the way to a win. Sex is about so much more than a penis going into a vagina. Become sexplorers - get curious about what works for yourself and your partner. Give each other feedback. Talk - a lot (see point 8) - like more than you ever have. Think of it like a grand sexperiment - there can be room to try something and decide it doesn’t work, room to try it again, room to be delightfully surprised. Play with all five of your senses and challenge yourselves to explore what pleases beyond your very obvious erogenous zones.
3. Banish Mind Reading from the Bedroom
Your partner is not inside your body, they can’t feel what you feel. They rely on you to share what your body is experiencing, positive and negative, so they can give you what you need. Sex is a team sport and winning teams communicate pre-game, during the game, and post-game. They are open to things changing, they are great at rolling with the flow, and they know how to let each other know what is going on. Feeling nervous about hurting feelings? Start with sharing feedback on what is working “That feels so great… can I get more of ….” or by asking for what your body needs “That feels amazing and my big toe is actually looking for some love…. my breasts want some attention… can you touch me there?” Clarity and feedback lead to success.
4. Invite your Brain and your Body to the Party with Relaxation
Sometimes even when your brain feels ready to join the party the body is not on board. We have so many experiences (positive and negative caught up in our systems). Our bodies remember these experiences and sometimes they tense up or have a hard time letting go. Or sometimes the brain gremlins won’t shut up. Encourage your body to relax and get present by intentionally stimulating and soothing each of the five senses. There’s a reason a beautiful setting, candles, nice music, warm air, and a sweet scent help with the romance. They encourage your body and brain to know they are safe and it’s ok to let go and surrender.
5. Use some Mind-Body Techniques for that Mind-Melting Feeling
People expect to jam their genitals together and experience some kind of mind-melting sex where two become one. You gotta sync your brains, hearts, and sexy bits for mind-melting sex. Do this by breathing together with intention and syncing your breath, gazing into each other’s eyes, and sharing words of love and gratitude before you get started. You might just be surprised by the results.
At the end of the day, our goal is relaxed, fun, expectation-free, naked sexy fun times with our partner. When we leave behind the goals for the hottest most orgasmic sex ever and we keep our intentions simple and clear we open the doors for more connection, more intimacy, and yes, more pleasure.
Happy Honeymooning!
The Happy V
Sofia Fortin is the Founder of the Happy Vagina Project. She is a sexuality coach & educator who supports parents to reclaim their sex lives & become better parents, partners, & people in the process. You can learn more about her work at www.thehappyvaginaproject.com or find her on Instagram at @thehappyvproject. If you are looking for some help to plan the ultimate honeymoon sexy time, wish you could travel back to your sex life of the early years, or have questions about how your sex life might change when adding kids to your life get in touch.
